I lost my cousin yesterday.

I am very sad. Yesterday the man who was like a father to me passed away, my cousin Bobby. He had been ill for over a month. I found out that he was sick on Thursday evening. I was torn about rushing to Buffalo to see him. I am so busy getting ready for Palmetto Tat Days. Shawn encouraged me to go. I left on Friday morning and drove by myself up to Buffalo. I got there just in time to get to see him Friday night before the visiting hours were over. I stayed at the Double Tree Hotel right across the street from the hospital.

I was told to be prepared that he was confused and may not know who I was. Bobby recognized me right away and was happy that I came to see him. He even shed a few tears. I got lots of kisses from him and a big hug. He was very weak, but found the strength to hug me. That warmed my heart.

I spent time with his daughter Shelly on Saturday and then spent about 3 hours at the hospital with him. I was sitting in the room and tatting. He kept staring at me smiling. I reminded him of our grandmother and that brought a smile to his face.

I ran back to the hospital just before visiting hours on Saturday night to say good bye to him. We talked about me going to visit again for my birthday at the end of September. He said he'd be there waiting. I guess he couldn't hold on.

I came home on Sunday morning, making a pit stop at my son's house in Pittsburgh.

I was running errands on Monday afternoon when I got a text from my cousin Shelly saying he was gone. I felt like I had been gut punched. I just knew he was going to get better. What a shock. I am so happy that I felt the pull and went to Buffalo, even tho I had so much to do here in MD. I would be devastated if I passed up the opportunity to see him one more time. I have those memories for ever. I had just reconnected with him after many years apart.

In the short time we had together, I felt loved like I had never felt from a family member. I felt accepted and loved my every person in his family. He even confirmed my memories of how my mom treated me when I was growing up. I am going to cultivate and build the relationships with my dad's side of the family. We never got to see them growing up because we were always visiting my mother's family. I want to know my dad's people.

I am not able to attend the funeral. I need to stay home and take care of things here.

Well, I need to go to bed. It will be a busy day tomorrow. Lots to do to get ready for Palmetto. I pray my next post is happier than this one.